the best mom

Tonight as I was carrying Sara up to bed she hugged me tight, looked into my eyes and said "you're the best mom ever". Instantly I started to cry. I have to be honest - I don't feel like I have been the best mom to her lately. Sara's personality can be a challenge. She constantly needs to be touched and held and if she doesn't have my attention she gets naughty. I think to her any attention is better than no attention. When you have three little ones giving out constant attention can be tough. I struggle with whether or not it is an adoption thing, an attachment thing, a two year old thing. I over think it than I under think it. I pray about it and then try again. I try new approaches and re-visit old approaches. Some give advice or tell me what I could be doing better or differently. Some just say "yep, totally understand" but at the end of the day it is about Sara and me. Mom and daughter, for better or for worse, always and forever - no matter what.

Every day is new and every day I try to be her "safe place" a place where she feels ok to figure out who she is - clingy and needy, good behavior or not so lovely behavior. A place where together we can figure this journey out.

I looked back at Sara, held her tight and said "Sara, I love you and promise to always do my best. There will be times when I don't seem like the best mom but always remember that I love you and nothing will change that." So here's to tomorrow and another chance to be the best mom.