Would you follow?

This morning I came across Matthew 4:19-20 19And He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” 20At once they left their nets and followed Him.

The words "at once" seemed to jump out at me. Would I be an"at once" follower? Humbly I admit I would not be. I would be a "well, let me just think about it for a second?" I am guessing my thoughts would go a bit like this "So what I hear you saying is that this may cost me my life, I am going to probably lose my family, be ridiculed, asked to put all my faith and belief in a guy who says He is going to die and then be raised again?" To my friends who are not believers I am guessing this doesn't make a lot of sense. To follow this man you have got to be a bit crazy (at least by this world's standards). But see while I may not have jumped out of my boat "at once" as these men did I believe I would have run as fast as my flipper like feet could take me to Him. Once my type A, over analyzing brain got done I would have run and in a way I guess I have. When I count all else as loss that is when I live.

I just finished reading our friend Sarah Wauterlek's book "Young Widow: A Memoir". She writes of her first year after losing her husband Mark in a plane crash -she writes of her intense pain, the depths of her sorrow, questioning her faith and wanting to die to be with him. Mark was the best man in our wedding, he was Pete's bunk bed roommate in college and after college, when Pete was lost or sad or needed a partner in adventure Mark was his 'go to' guy. They had similar personalities, similar likes and dislikes, they were two peas in a pod. I have watched Pete struggle to find his footing, his place in this world without Mark. I know he has suffered so much and I don't know how to help. I know he has lost a piece of him that will not return until he is in heaven. His loss will never compare to Sarah's but I know there is also a piece of Pete that longs to join Mark in heaven and I LOVE that there is no doubt in my mind that someday he will. When I saw that I had a text from Pete yesterday that read "Didn't want you to worry in case you have heard of the explosions at Micron. I am alright as is everyone in our office. Scrambling to try and remotely shut down the machines." I had peace - a bit of reality slapped me in the face but there was a weird peace. I know that to lose him would take me to a depth that I cannot imagine but I know and believe with everything in me that God is holding him. I know that the day will come when Pete will run into the arms of Jesus and then I know he will look for Mark. And I know I will see Pete again. I have put my faith in Jesus, who died and rose again for my sins.

I wish I could put my faith into words that make sense that would cause all to believe but I can't. I just am not that good at writing. I just know that when all else is sinking I can reach out and grab His hand and He holds me up. He walks by my side. When all others may fail me He never has and never will. Why not seek Him out, why not question and see what happens - what else do you have to lose?

When the earth all around me is sinking sand

On Christ, the solid rock I stand.

If you are questioning check out Lee Strobel's book The Case For Christ or come grab a cup of coffee, take a seat and let's chat.

Learning the Lessons that I Can't Teach

Monday morning Ella was getting her tennis shoes on and she looked up
at me and said "Mom, sometimes it is hard to keep praying when you
have been waiting so long." So we talked about our faith and how we
believe God knows the best for our family - He sees the beginning and
the end and we can only see today and how super cool that is... She
got quiet for a moment and said "It must be such a hard choice for a
birth mommy to pick a family that she has never even met. You know
like Moses' birth mom and having to put him in a basket. That must
have been so hard. We need to pray even harder for the birth moms."

Anders had been listening and he asked Ella to remind him again of the
story of Moses so as we drove to the bus stop Ella told the story of
Moses from the perspective of a birth mom and it was real and eloquent
and beautiful and hard. Honestly, I have never thought of that story
from a birth mom's perspective. I had never pictured her as a birth
mom. These are the moments that I couldn't teach if we hadn't been in
this journey. There is a song where the words say "there is always a
purpose in the wait." We are living that and it is good. Not always
easy but it is good.

As Ella stepped out of the van she looked up at me and smiled and said
"I know we are learning a lot and that God has a plan but mom I am
ready for that baby to come." I just smiled and said "me too."

I am again reminded of our family verse which is I Peter 5: 6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's MIGHTY hand, that He may
lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares
for you.

It is one thing to walk a journey for you but another when you choose one where you have to walk as a family. I remember talking with a friend who was struggling in a time of waiting. I felt God give me a picture of maybe this waiting is not just about what I need to learn about waiting but also teaching my children what it means to wait in Christ. I don't know what their futures hold but I know they will have times of waiting and those times may be filled with hurt and pain. To teach them to find thankfulness. Not thankful necessarily "for" the reason they are waiting but to find thankfulness in the wait. To teach them to cry out to Christ in joy and pain, in sorrow and blessing - to reach for His hand in the darkness, to hold on tight to a Father that will never leave them or forsake them.

To me that is what being a mom is - to walk the walk and allow them to question and search and find their faith. I pray that path will lead them to a relationship that is beautiful and mighty. A path that doesn't lose the faith of a child, the faith that still sees miracles. The faith that doesn't match things to coincidences but to divine appointments. The faith that isn't wearied by the hardships of life but encouraged to look to an eternity of beauty. Oh Lord, may they be strong in You.