Expectations

I think it may take me awhile to add more posts - I am slowly trying to process through this trip and unfortunately for my sleep cycle most of it comes around 2:00 a.m. This was a trip with an outcome I didn't expect and that for me has been hard. I often wonder if I set my expectations too high. I wonder if it is okay to compare one place with another. I wonder if my "American view" has too high of standards. Sometimes I think it is even more difficult when you see how someone else is doing it and go "wow, why can't we do that?"! I don't mean to sound negative and I guess that is why it may make take me some time before I post more. I need to have some pretty tough discussions with some people here in the US before I decide where to go next. I guess I will see where it goes from there. There is a man who I very much respect when it comes to the fight against HIV/AIDS in Africa. He said to me once, "You know Nicky, since I started this fight I don't sleep much anymore." For the love, I don't think he meant it as a challenge but I will admit it is nice to know that someone else out there is also up processing through the things they have seen.

To those who have been trying to comment on the blog - sorry that really won't work until I get home! And because it has been difficult to get internet time I will have to wait and write more when I get back. I have so much to process in my head and while I would love to say I am encouraged by this trip I have to be honest and say I have a lot of things that need some deep thought and prayer. All that said it has been quite the journey and I am ready to head back to see my family. Tarah and I are amazing travel partners and I can't thank her enough for her friendship (unless you have read her blog and she is saying something different then I take that back) -just kidding! There is a volunteer here whose name is Jane and she is AMAZING - her honesty and heart have opened my eyes to some things that will help me be a better volunteer coordinator. Oh and she is also willing to kill large spiders - that helps a TON! Once again I need to go I am doing some flouride treatments this afternoon - who knew. Should be good and don't worry I have had training! = )

things are going well here - sometimes i still can't believe i am back in africa. i am feeling better (i know it is all about me) and just avoiding eating lunch as that is when I get most sick. There just aren't places to stop and be sick on the 25 min walk to the care centers = ) We have been playing games with the kids and doing crafts, meeting with people nd just taking the time to learn and care. There is so much to take in and wrap my mind and heart around. We have had a good experience except for the young man to day who toold us to go home soon before we get hurt and that they don't need white women here. Good to know... Everyone else we have met have been wonderful and the kids and staff are amazing. We witnessed our first dinner preparation yesterday needless to say the sheep are no longer eating the grass and have in turn been eaten. Can't wait to teach everyone at home a new game - basically it is hopscotch Ethiopian style and much harder. I should go - last time I wrote a whole post and then the power went off so before that happens again...

Just wanted to let everyone know we are in Ethiopia and are doing well-I am getting a bit sick so would love prayer for that. We don't have very good access to the web so I probably won't post much until I return. It is both wonderful and humbling to be here and as always quite the experience!

Goodnight and see you soon!

Tonight as I was packing Sara came over, looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said "come back mommy, come back soon". I wonder what is going on her mind. Ella wears her heart on her sleeve so the tears flow often and we are able to talk it through - Anders just shrugs and goes to play. Well, here is just a little goodnight note to Ella, Anders & Sara -I love you and will miss you sooooo much. I know that it is hard to call and email sometimes from Ethiopia but I will do my best. Know that I love you and miss you already! I love that you have family, friends and teachers who have offered to give you "mom hugs" until I return. To Pete, who is usually the one going on adventures - thanks for letting me do this and supporting this trip. I love you with all that I am. To all those who called or emailed and I didn't get back to you - I am so sorry but thanks for your offers of love and prayers! Now to finish packing = )

I just ask one thing...

There is a quote that I love by Robert M. Pirsig in a journal my sister gave me, it says: The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands and then work outward from there.

My journey back to Ethiopia has been wonderful and humbling and a large part of it has been educating myself regarding AIDS, HIV, stigma, hope, culture, awareness...you get the picture.

So that is what I am asking of you - learn. While I am in Ethiopia - learn. Many of you already have and are but if you haven't please do. We expect the stigma surrounding HIV to end in Ethiopia yet to a large extent it still exists here. You can be a part of changing that and I hope you will.

Some places to go to start you thinking (things change fast with HIV - new things are discovered, old thoughts are corrected, so keep that in mind). Go to this link at fromhivtohome and walk around their website there is some great information and they do some wonderful stuff. Of course you can head to AHOPE for Children go to this link and another one with a ton of information - I haven't gone through all of it but go to this link www.hivandthechurch.com

So learn and ask quesions...you never know where it will lead.

I Saw What I Saw

By Sara Groves

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

something on the road, cut me to the soul

chorus

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have but I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

something on the road, cut me to the soul

your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
your courage asks me what I am made of
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
and what I know of God