Joy comes in the morning (Part 2)

I don't know why it has taken me so long to write this - it is the happy part of the story, the joy part.  The "issues" had been taken care of and if we said "yes" there was a little baby boy waiting in the parking lot, waiting to come home.  And a woman walked in with this beautiful baby boy, and she stroked his hair into a little mohawk and cried tears over him as she told us that they have been loving on him and praying over him.  With tears she handed him over to us.  There are no words for the gift he is to us - his name means Jehovah is God, He is our salvation.  He doesn't walk, he jumps like Tigger.  He loves music and climbing.  His voice is the sweetest I have ever heard.  He has a temper and is stronger than he looks.  People stop us to talk about how beautiful he is.  When I walk in to get him in the morning he smiles and greets us with joy.  The road may be long and hard and full of pain but joy comes in the morning.

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

What do I know?

A song came up on my playlist this morning that I haven't listened to in a long time.  The chorus instantly had me thinking, humbled me and brought me to a place of awe and wonder and curiosity and breathlessness.  The words rang out over and over "What do I know of holy, what do I know of wounds that will heal my shame and a God who gave life its name? what do I know of holy, of the one who the angels praise, all creation knows your name.  On earth and heaven above what do I know of this love?" The song What Do I Know of Holy sung by Addison Road questions if we have made Him too small in our eyes - the one who puts the waves in motion, the one who choose me to parent the four kiddos who challenge me, wear me out, make me laugh, give me wrinkles and have increased my love (no, need) for coffee.  THe one who has walked with us as we waited to hear if cancer was the reason for my pain and then held me as I fell to my knees in thankfulness when they said no.  That held us as we moments later found that the cancer was all over a dear friend and stands by her side as she fights.  Does He allow pain and suffering?  Why not me and why her?  I don't know - I guess I don't know that much about holy but I do know as another song states I am most found when I am lost in Him.  I do know that this life is hard whether you are walking with Him or not yet what a friend we have in Jesus.  When words of comfort are lost  He is comfort.  When there is no reason for peace He is a beautiful sunset.  When I cannot move forward He calls me to look beyond the waves and come to Him to be loved, and held and blessed.  When the lies start telling me I am not enough He shouts BUT I AM.  I AM! HOLD ON BECAUSE I AM ENOUGH.  And so we walk on, we shake the dust off our inadequate feet and follow Him - we love because He first loved us and my friends that is what I know of holy. And until I meet Him face to face in all His glory and splendor that is enough.

Wherever You Go

I think through all of this I have learned that I want to build and cultivate a faith in my children that gives them a foundation so if; no when, their world falls their faith doesn't. So when the hard comes they fall softly into His arms. When the tears fall they feel Christ catch them.  So when all else feels like shifting sand they know without a doubt that it is on Christ the solid rock they stand.  That the future holds an unwavering hope for those who look up.  As we wait for the results of the scan I have been humbled by a renewed sense of what my "job" as a mom is - that the projects of this life are not nearly as important as teaching them how to shine for Him.  I have always known this but when things get busy or comfortable I tend to slide through life without holding Him as close.  And when I am not holding Him as close as I should I am not creating in them that sense of needing Him in all things.  And we do, we so need Him in all things.

To infinity and beyond...

When you move you open bins and boxes - some that haven't been opened since your last move.  Sometimes you open ones that you closed on purpose, bins that held hard memories or things that make your heart rise up into your chest.  Well in the hurried pace of moving you forget and lift the lid of that bin and see right on top a favorite pair of pajamas.  Buzz Light Year pajamas, with wings that spread when you run down the hallway.  Pajamas that used to hold a certain little one.  Pajamas that I can still see his chubby hands held high above his soft curls flowing in the wind as he would race to lift off to infinity and beyond.  And a laugh, a laugh that was perfect.  How I miss him.  I held those pajamas to my face trying to grab onto one more smell but the smell was gone.  Little man, I will always love you to infinity and beyond.

He has always been faithful

Psalm 143:5-6, 8-9

I remember the days of old;

I meditate on all that you have done;

I ponder the work of your hands.

I stretch out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. 

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,

for in you I trust.

Make me know the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me 

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God;

to comfort all who mourn.

To grant to those who mourn in Zion - 

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning;

the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, 

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

They shall build up the ancient ruins;

they shall raise up the former devastations;

they shall repair cities,

the devastations of many generations.

Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks'

foreigners shall be your plowmen and your vinedressers,

but you shall be called priests of the Lord;

they shall speak of you as the ministers of our God;

you shall eat the wealth of nations,

and in their glory you shall boast.

Instead of shame, there shall be a double portion;

instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot;

therefore in their land they shall possess a double portions;

they shall have everlasting joy.

For I the Lord love justice;

I hate robbery and iniquity;

I will faithfully give them their recompense,

and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

Their offspring shall be known among the nations,

and their descendants in the midst of the peoples;

all who see them shall acknowledge them,

that they are an offspring the Lord has blessed.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;

my soul shall exult in my God,

for he has clothed me with garments of salvation;

He has covered me in the robe of righteousness.

as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,

and as a bride adorns herself with jewels.

For as the earth brings forth its sprouts.

and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,

so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise

to sprout up before all nations.

Isaiah 61

There are so many places in this passage that scream at me "pray this over those who know loss".  Let Him build them up from ruin, let Him clothe them in a garment of praise, let Him adorn them in jewels, let Him bind up their broken heart and raise them up from devastation.  Let His oil of gladness flow over them and replace the mourning.  Only God can truly give them their recompense, only He can truly make amends for the loss suffered.  Thank you Katie for this beautiful reminder.