Looking back

I've tried many times to write my journey to Sara but often get stuck in the details. It took me awhile to figure out that while the small steps make the journey it's standing at the end and looking back that makes us different. It offers us a chance to relearn, rethink, change for the better or the worse and looking back is what often guides our next steps. When the call came for Sara I was overwhelmed with joy. My heart instantly belonged to this little girl halfway around the world. When I heard her name and then saw her picture there was no doubt that no matter what was ahead she was mine. Forever, always, no matter what my daughter. But I would also soon learn that my journey to Sara would include my heart being broken. I would be angered, humbled, my faith tested, I would be filled with joy and sorrow and ultimately I would be changed forever.

In Idaho there are so many ranches and farms, many with horses and if you have ever watched a rancher break in a horse you will see a process strong yet gentle, loving yet firm and in the end the results include a relationship that forever bonds that horse and rider. In a lot of ways that process was (and continues to be) the process God has taken with me. If done well the horse retains its spirit but the rider now has the ability to use that spirit to guide and direct the horse. The questions from the journey turned to a gift of strength in my faith. It has brought me to a closeness with God that I had never experienced before. It has given me the ability to be forever tied to this amazing woman of faith across the ocean. To know that my prayers are joined with hers' is a blessing beyond all blessings. To know that her joy and pain is forever tied with mine is a gift I am not worthy of...

I strive to match her faith and trust in the Lord. Her ability to seek out the good in a world full of injustice humbles me daily.

The last time I saw her she was walking away and she turned once more and our eyes met. A soft smile graced her beautiful face and as I held back tears I waved goodbye not knowing when and if I would ever see her again. And while there are still unanswered questions and regrets that often run through my thoughts I place my trust in the God who sees everything and is able to make sense in a world that doesn't. I place my trust in a God who picks us up when we fall and walks with us as we all continue on.

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, Oh glorious day